Calming Your Nervous System: Coping with Holiday Stress Using the Polyvagal Theory

by | Nov 12, 2025 | Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Depression, Therapy for Trauma

CALMING YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM: COPING WITH HOLIDAY STRESS USING THE POLYVAGAL THEORY

The holidays are often painted as a time of joy, family, and celebration—but for many, they also bring stress, overwhelm, and emotional exhaustion. Between packed schedules, financial strain, family dynamics, and social expectations, it’s easy for your nervous system to feel stuck in “survival mode.”

That’s where Polyvagal Theory comes in—a powerful framework for understanding how your body responds to stress and how you can gently guide yourself back to calm connection.

Understanding Polyvagal Theory (In Simple Terms)

Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory explains how our autonomic nervous system—the part of us that operates automatically—helps us feel safe or threatened.

It focuses on the vagus nerve, a key communication pathway between the brain and body. According to this theory, we move between three main states:

  1. 🧘 Ventral Vagal State (Safe & Connected)
    You feel calm, grounded, and socially engaged. You can laugh, connect, and feel at ease.
  2. ⚡ Sympathetic State (Fight or Flight)
    Your body prepares for action—heart races, muscles tense, and you may feel anxious, irritable, or restless.
  3. 🥶 Dorsal Vagal State (Shutdown or Freeze)
    When things feel too overwhelming, your system may “shut down.” You might feel numb, disconnected, or hopeless.

These states aren’t “good” or “bad”—they’re just your body’s way of trying to keep you safe. The key is learning how to notice which state you’re in and support yourself back toward safety and regulation.

 

Holiday Stress Through the Polyvagal Lens

The holidays can easily trigger our sympathetic or dorsal vagal responses. Maybe it’s family conflict, social anxiety, overcommitment, or the pressure to “be cheerful.” Your nervous system doesn’t know you’re at a dinner table—it just detects threat and reacts.

So how can you stay more in your ventral vagal (calm and connected) zone this season?

 

5 Polyvagal-Informed Tips for Managing Holiday Stress

1. Start with Safety Cues

Your nervous system responds to signals of safety.

  • Light a candle or play soothing music that makes your space feel warm and cozy.
  • Wrap yourself in a soft blanket or wear comforting clothes.
  • Limit exposure to loud or chaotic environments when possible.

Even small sensory cues can remind your body: You are safe right now.

2. Use Your Breath to Anchor

Slow, steady breathing activates the vagus nerve.
Try “coherent breathing”—inhaling for 5 seconds, exhaling for 5 seconds—for a few minutes.
This gentle rhythm tells your body it’s okay to relax, lowering stress hormones and helping you stay grounded even in tense moments.

3. Connect with Supportive People

The ventral vagal state thrives on connection.
Call a friend, hug a loved one, or make eye contact with someone kind. Even sharing a smile with a stranger can help shift your body out of threat mode.

If family gatherings are tough, plan time with people who help you feel safe and seen.

4. Move Your Body Mindfully

If you feel anxious or restless (sympathetic state), movement helps discharge that energy.
Take a brisk walk, dance to music, or stretch your body.
If you feel numb or shut down (dorsal vagal), gentle, rhythmic movement—like yoga, swaying, or even petting an animal—can help you come back into your body.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Your nervous system is doing its best to protect you.
Instead of criticizing yourself for feeling “too sensitive” or “not festive enough,” try saying:

“It makes sense I’m feeling this way. My body is just trying to keep me safe.”

This shift invites a sense of inner safety, helping your system settle naturally.

A Gentle Reminder

Regulation isn’t about always being calm. It’s about learning how to notice when you’re stressed and having the tools to support your body back toward balance.

This holiday season, let your nervous system be your guide.
Create moments of safety, nurture connection, and give yourself permission to rest.

Your well-being matters as much as any celebration.

In summary:
The holidays can test your resilience, but understanding the Polyvagal Theory helps you move through stress with compassion and awareness. By tuning into your body’s signals and offering it cues of safety, you can navigate the season with more calm, connection, and joy.

Here are some resources to check out: